Making decisions can be exhausting.
Not just the big ones either. Sometimes it’s the tiny, everyday decisions that slowly drain us what to have for dinner, what to wear, whether to say yes to something, whether to reply to that message.
And then there are the bigger ones.
Should I stay in this job?
Should I do that qualification?
Should I leave?
Should I put myself out there?
Should I say yes?
Should I say no?
Sometimes the hardest part isn’t making the decision. It’s having the same conversation with yourself repeatedly.
The Energy Drain of an Open Loop
In the coaching world, we talk about something called an open loop.
It’s basically an unfinished decision that keeps running around in your head.
Should I do this?
Should I do that?
Maybe I should do this.
But what if I do that instead?
Round it goes.
And even when you haven’t physically done much that day, you can still feel completely exhausted because your brain has been working overtime in the background.
The decision hasn’t been made, so your brain keeps coming back to it.
That’s why one of the things we want to do is close as many loops as we can.
But there’s another side to this too: decision fatigue.
Decision fatigue happens when you’re constantly making decisions all day long.
And the more decisions you have to make, the more mentally exhausted you can become.
So how do we make this easier?
Here are four things that have helped me.
- Pre-Decide
Pre-deciding is exactly what it sounds like.
You make the decision before you’re in the situation where you must make it.
For example, if you regularly get asked to speak at careers expos or schools, you might decide:
“I’m going to speak at no more than one school a month.”
Done.
You’ve already made the decision.
So when the second school asks you that month, you don’t have to sit there thinking, Should I? Maybe I could? But I don’t want to disappoint them…
Nope.
You’ve already decided.
Or maybe you decide:
“I don’t do overtime on Fridays.”
Friday comes around and your supervisor asks if you can stay back.
“Nope, sorry. I’ve already got plans.”
And those plans don’t have to be anything dramatic. Maybe Friday is family dinner. Maybe you’re exhausted by the end of the week and know you’ll make mistakes if you work late.
Whatever the reason, you’ve made the decision in advance.
And if your decision affects other people, tell them.
Let your supervisor or your team know your boundaries so they aren’t constantly asking you to make the same decision.
Pre-deciding can also be something as simple as meal planning.
Instead of deciding what you’re going to eat every single day, you’ve already made the decision on Sunday.
One less thing for your brain to deal with.
- Make the Small Decisions Quickly
Sometimes we give small decisions way too much time.
And the more time we give ourselves, the more opportunities we create to overthink.
If it’s genuinely a small decision and doesn’t have major consequences, sometimes the best thing you can do is just decide.
Make the decision and move on.
Because if you keep thinking about it, you can turn something that should have taken thirty seconds into a thirty-minute mental spiral.
And there’s another benefit to making decisions sooner:
You get more time to adjust.
If you make a decision and realise it wasn’t the right one, you can change direction.
But if you spend weeks or months avoiding the decision and eventually have to make it under pressure, you might not give yourself the same opportunity to adjust afterwards.
And here’s a weird little trick: flip a coin.
Not because the coin is magically going to know what you should do.
But because when the coin lands, notice how you feel.
If it lands on one option and you immediately think, “Shit, I didn’t want that one,” congratulations — you’ve just learned something.
That feeling is information.
- Make a Pros and Cons List — But look at the Weight
Ah, the classic pros and cons list.
Sometimes they’re useful.
They’re especially helpful for bigger decisions like changing jobs, relationships, qualifications or major life changes.
Write down the things that matter.
Money.
Time.
Travel.
Growth.
Training.
Family.
Lifestyle.
Opportunities.
But here’s the important part:
Don’t just count the number of pros and cons. Look at the weight of each one.
You might have four pros and one con.
Four against one. Easy, right?
Not necessarily.
Imagine the four pros of a new job are:
- More money
- More responsibility
- Career growth
- Training opportunities
And the one con is:
- Less time with your family.
Well, how important is that time with your family to you?
If you’re living away from home and barely get to see them, that one con might be worth far more to you than all four pros combined.
Or maybe the job has incredible pay, training and opportunities but the work goes against something you deeply value.
Again, you can’t just count the boxes.
You have to look at what those boxes mean to you.
Your decision-making isn’t a maths competition.
It’s personal.
- Decide to Decide Later
This one might sound strange, but sometimes you don’t actually need to make the decision today.
Sometimes you need to decide when you’re going to make the decision.
Let’s say you’ve started a new job and you’re not sure whether it’s right for you.
Instead of waking up every morning thinking:
Should I quit?
Should I stay?
Is this the right job?
What if I leave?
What if I regret it?
You might decide:
“I’m going to give these six months.”
Put the date in your calendar.
And until that date arrives, you don’t need to keep having the same conversation with yourself every week.
I did this with a client who had returned to work after maternity leave.
She kept questioning whether returning to work was the right decision. She was dealing with brain fog and was constantly wondering if things were going to improve.
Every time we met, we had basically the same conversation.
Eventually, I asked her:
“When do you think you’ll know?”
She said, “Probably six months.”
So I asked:
“What if you banned yourself from having this conversation until then?”
And she loved the idea.
We put the date in the calendar.
Until then, she could gather information, adjust, learn and experience the job — without constantly analysing whether she should leave.
And when that date came around, she could reassess with actual information.
You can do this with so many things.
Decide after you’ve:
- Done your research
- Spoken to a mentor
- Tried the job
- Finished the course
- Had the conversation
- Given something a proper chance
Just make sure you actually put the date in your calendar.
Otherwise, “I’ll decide later” can easily turn into “I’ll avoid deciding forever.”
You Don’t Have to Know If It’s the Perfect Decision
This is something one of my coaches told me that genuinely changed the way I think.
I’ve always had a bit of FOMO.
I worried that if I made one decision, I might miss out on something better.
What if I choose the wrong thing?
What if I’m not in the right place?
How will I ever know?
And she said:
“You just decide.”
That’s it.
You decide.
You decide that right now, this is where you’re going to be.
If I’m with my family, I’m choosing to be with my family.
If I’m writing a blog at nine o’clock at night, I’ve decided this is what I’m doing.
It doesn’t mean it’s the perfect decision forever.
It means this is the decision I’m making right now.
And sometimes that’s all you need.
You don’t need certainty that something will be right forever.
You just need to decide what you’re choosing today.
Celebrate the Decision
Once you’ve decided, especially a difficult one, celebrate it.
And I’m not saying you need balloons and champagne every time you decide what you’re having for dinner.
Although, honestly, sometimes you probably deserve it.
But give yourself a little internal high five.
“Good job. I made the decision.”
If it’s a huge decision that has been weighing on you for months, celebrate bigger.
Because making the decision itself can be a huge relief.
You’ve closed the loop.
You’ve stopped carrying that question around in your head.
And that’s worth acknowledging.
Final Thoughts
Decision-making isn’t about always making the perfect choice.
It’s about giving yourself ways to stop getting stuck.
Remember:
Pre-decide when you can. Create rules and boundaries that remove unnecessary decisions from your day.
Decide quickly when it’s a small decision and you’re prone to overthinking.
Use a pros and cons list for bigger decisions, but remember that one important con can outweigh ten small pros.
And decide to decide later when you genuinely need more time, information or experience.
Most importantly, stop expecting yourself to know exactly what the “right” decision is every single time.
Sometimes you just must choose.
You make the best decision you can with the information you have.
And then you move forward.
If it turns out you need to change direction later, you can.
You’ve got this.
And if no one’s told you today: I believe in you. You can do cool things.
Just remember to look after the person doing them.
Thank you for reading along, if you are a tradeswoman and would like some help or support with this please book in a time to chat here – https://calendly.com/louise-azzopardi/coaching_consult“
