Getting a diagnosis can bring up a lot of feelings.
Relief.
Confusion.
Grief.
Validation.
Fear.
Sometimes all of them at once.
And when I talk about a diagnosis here, I mean a label given to a collection of symptoms — whether those symptoms are physical, mental or both. It could be ADHD, autism, a chronic illness, PMDD, or something completely different.
I’m not a doctor or a therapist. I’m just a human who has gone through my own experiences, learned a few things along the way and wants to share them in the hope that they might help someone else.
Because one thing I really want you to know is this:
You are not broken.
Before the Diagnosis: What Is Wrong With Me?
Before I was diagnosed with PMDD, I spent a lot of time telling myself I was fine.
I should be fine.
I should be functioning normally.
I should be able to control my emotions.
I should just be a normal human.
Whatever “normal” means.
I experienced things like mood swings, depression, anxiety and fatigue, but I didn’t have an explanation for why they were happening.
So, when I had a huge emotional reaction, I would look for something outside of myself to explain it.
What made me angry?
What happened?
Who did something?
Because surely feelings couldn’t just appear for no reason.
Except sometimes they could.
Once I understood that PMDD was contributing to what I was experiencing, things changed.
When those intense emotions came up, I could recognise them.
I could tell myself:
“This is PMDD. I don’t have to figure everything out right now.”
I could communicate with my husband that I needed some space.
I could stop trying to find someone or something to blame.
And, most importantly, I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be “normal”.
The diagnosis didn’t magically fix everything.
But it gave me a framework for understanding myself.
A Diagnosis Can Take the Pressure Off
I’ve seen something similar happen with women in my network who have been diagnosed with ADHD.
Before the diagnosis, there can be so many thoughts:
Why can’t I just do this?
Why am I like this?
Why can’t I function like everyone else?
What’s wrong with me?
Why is this so much harder for me?
Getting a diagnosis can sometimes remove some of that blame.
Instead of thinking:
“I’m broken.”
You can start thinking:
“Okay. This is how my brain works. What support might help me?”
That’s a bloody big shift.
But there is another side to this.
Don’t Let the Label Become the Whole Story
A diagnosis can be incredibly helpful, but it can also become something we use against ourselves.
For me, I had to learn the difference between recognising a PMDD symptom and dismissing every emotion as “just hormones”.
Because sometimes someone really is crossing your boundaries.
Sometimes you’re genuinely upset.
Sometimes someone has done something that isn’t okay.
And saying “Oh, it’s just hormones” can mean ignoring something that needs to be addressed.
I’ve also seen people newly diagnosed with ADHD start analysing everything they do.
Was that ADHD?
Was that because of ADHD?
Is this an ADHD thing?
Why did I do that?
And suddenly the diagnosis that was supposed to help them understand themselves is taking up even more mental energy.
The label is there to help you understand yourself.
It isn’t supposed to become another thing you have to obsess over.
Society Has Opinions Too
Then there’s society.
And society has a LOT of opinions about diagnoses.
Take PMS, for example.
How many times have you heard something along the lines of:
“She’s only upset because she’s hormonal.”
It’s often used to dismiss women’s feelings.
And that’s not okay.
Having a diagnosis doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real.
It doesn’t mean you’re stupid.
It doesn’t mean you’re incapable.
It doesn’t mean people should treat you differently or speak to you like you’re less capable.
And it doesn’t mean everyone with the same diagnosis experiences life in the same way.
Two people can have the same diagnosis and have completely different symptoms, experiences and support needs.
There is no one-size-fits-all approach.
Find the Support That Works for You
This is probably one of the biggest things I want you to take away from this.
Find what works for you.
Sometimes you can use strategies that are commonly associated with a diagnosis even if you don’t have that diagnosis.
For example, I use a lot of ADHD-style strategies around planning and organisation.
I’m not diagnosed with ADHD.
But some of those strategies help me.
And if something helps me function better, why wouldn’t I use it?
You don’t necessarily need a label before you can try a planning technique, use a timer or create a routine.
There are so many practical things you can experiment with.
Maybe you need:
- A solid routine
- Timers and reminders
- Things written down rather than relying on memory
- Meetings in a quieter environment
- Fewer distractions
- More distractions
- Flexible working arrangements
- Set working hours
- More breaks
- Different ways of learning
- More time to process information
What works for one person might be completely useless for another.
That’s okay.
You’re allowed to experiment.
Ask for What You Need
There are also things you can ask for at work or during training that may help you do your job better.
Maybe you need instructions in writing.
Maybe you need a quieter space for certain tasks.
Maybe fatigue means working excessive overtime isn’t realistic for you.
Maybe you need to discuss a different way of completing your training.
Sometimes reasonable adjustments can make a huge difference.
And again, I’m not here to tell you what you are or aren’t entitled to medically or legally. That’s something you should discuss with the appropriate professional or organisation.
But I do want you to know that needing support doesn’t make you weak.
One person I worked with was diagnosed with a chronic illness and didn’t want to give up her trade.
She didn’t want to leave the industry.
She didn’t want to move into an office job.
So instead, she worked out what support she needed to continue her apprenticeship part-time.
She found a way to keep doing something she loved while working within what her body could manage.
That’s what support can look like.
It doesn’t always mean giving something up.
Sometimes it means finding a different way to do it.
You Don’t Have to Have All the Answers
Sometimes you might get a diagnosis and immediately feel like you need to understand everything about it.
You don’t.
You can learn as you go.
Research.
Try something.
See if it helps.
If it doesn’t, try something else.
Listen to other people’s experiences but remember that their experience is their experience.
What works for them might not work for you.
And that’s okay.
Take advice with a grain of salt.
You know yourself better than anyone else.
And if something isn’t working, you’re allowed to change it.
Don’t Put Yourself in a Box
This is the part I really want you to remember.
A diagnosis is a label.
It can be useful.
It can provide answers.
It can help you access support.
It can help you understand yourself.
But it is not your entire identity.
You’re still you.
You’re still capable of learning.
You’re still capable of growing.
You’re still capable of doing amazing things.
And whether you’re currently trying to get a diagnosis, you’ve recently received one, you’ve had one for years, or you don’t think you’ll ever get one — you deserve support.
You deserve to find things that make your life easier.
You deserve to understand yourself.
And you deserve to stop blaming yourself for things you don’t fully understand yet.
Final Thoughts
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this:
You are not broken.
You don’t need to fit perfectly into someone else’s idea of what your life should look like.
You don’t need to have everything figured out.
And you don’t need to wait for a diagnosis before you start looking for things that help you.
Try different strategies.
Ask for support.
Learn about yourself.
Work out what gives you more energy and what drains it.
And don’t be afraid to change your approach when something isn’t working.
A diagnosis might give you a name for what you’re experiencing.
But the name isn’t the most important part.
Finding a way to live your life that works for you is.
So don’t give up on yourself.
Keep looking.
Keep learning.
Keep trying.
And please remember you are not broken.
You are a human trying to work out what works for you.
And that’s more than okay.
Thank you for reading along, if you are a tradeswoman and would like some help or support with this please book in a time to chat here – https://calendly.com/louise-azzopardi/coaching_consult“
